A632.6.3.RB - The High Cost of Conflict
Conflict may be unavoidable at times, however; how we handle the conflict and reach an agreement is up to our attitude, willingness, and creativity. Eisenhardt, Bourge (1994) stated that relationship conflict has been associated with negative emotions, particularly anger, frustration, and distrust. Several years ago, a friendship that began when we were 11 years old, was almost ruined because of emotions involved with conflict. How would Levine’s (2009) “Ten Principles of Revolutionary Thinking”, influence new thinking, would the situation have worked out different, and would the principles reduce the severity of the conflict?
Valor-Segura, Exposito, Moya, et al (2014) shared that being involved in a relationship can be one of the greatest pleasures in life, but it can also be one of the greatest sources of grief and pain when the relationship is conflictive. When I was 11 years old, a friendship began that would face struggles and hardships through the teenage years but would prevail with age, maturity, and understanding. When we were about 19 years old, our lives went in different directions, I joined the military and my best friend went to college. We began to see the world differently and our views began to conflict because I did not agree with her decisions to party in college and she did not understand my work ethic at 19 years old. If we had Levine’s (2009) “Ten Principles to Influence New Thinking”, creativity would have guided us to reframe our thinking about the other person’s situation. Levine (2009) stated that most people are emotionally upset when facing differences and conflict. Levine (2009) shared that with revolutionary thinking conflict is seen as an exercise in creative problem solving. If our young 19 year old minds were thinking on this level, the conflict would not have lasted three years.
Three years of friendship was lost due to conflict, close-minded thinking, and an inability to see the other person’s point of view because we were unable to collaborate our thinking. Levine (2009) shared that in a revolutionary mode of thinking, reaching agreements and addressing differences take place within a context of resolution. The situation would have been resolved several year’s sooner if we were willing to understand one another and reach an agreement; instead, we thought were both right and could not see the other’s point of view. Levine (2009) continuously states that conflicts are a time to learn and long-term perspectives are important with relationships, especially as we get older.
The old saying that hind sight is 20/20, holds true in this situation; if we knew then what we know now, our friendship would not have lost three years because of conflict and we would have been willing to listen and reframe the conflict. The principles of new thinking would influence change of how we handle situations as mature and seasoned adults with conflict. Currently, the friendship is at a strong point, however; mutual respect for each other’s lives has had a major impact on how we handle our disagreements.
Overall, conflict is unavoidable with friendships, however; how the individuals handle the conflict will influence the outcome. By utilizing Levines (2009) “Ten Principles of Revolutionary Thinking”, long term conflict may be avoided, outcomes may be influenced by mature thinking, and the severity of the conflict may be reduced.
Eisenhardt, K.M. and Bourgeois, L.J. (1994), "Conflict and strategic choice in high-velocity environments", unpublished manuscript, Department of Industrial Engineering and Engineering Management, Stanford University, Stanford, CA.
Levine, S. (2009). Getting to Resolution: Turing Conflict into Collaboration. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler.
Valor-Segura, I., Expósito, F., Moya, M. and Kluwer, E. (2014), Don't leave me: the effect of dependency and emotions in relationship conflict. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 44: 579–587. doi: 10.1111/jasp.12250
